Although this is an article I wanted to write, the reason I’m writing this now is this study that says that men’s storytelling ability affects their attractiveness and perceived status. So can you be more attractive with good conversation skills and if this is true, the question is why appearance make men insecure?
Note: Like any other article, and here I will write about what is true, based on studies and my experiences. Although you may hear that appearance is not matters at all and that the only thing that matters is your confidence, we must not forget who’s saying something like this. For example, they say that appearance is not matters, but are the same people who have anxiety about how they look and they’re trying in front of their mirror to look attractive like women do, or they are saying that confidence is the only thing that matter and the same time they are trying to hide something from their appearance (eg baldness with a hat, fat with clothes etc). So, you might not like what you read, keep reading at your own risk…
I can’t understand how one can listen an attractive man telling him that appearance is not matters. In my opinion, Kezia want guys like him for her “adventures” and she’s doesn’t give a fuck about any other characteristics a man has…
The truth is that men (and women, but this is a men’s blog), have an anxiety about their body and how they look, to the point that many times becomes an obsession. Only from the comments on so many Youtube’s videos from muscular men, you can understand that today more and more young people have in their minds the impression that if you are not muscular, you can not have success with women, and there are also a lot of negative comments to fat Youtubers.
That is the reason that steroids are so popular in the gyms today and many men are putting their hormonal system in danger, in a (desperate to me) attempt to gain the “ability” to make a good body. Because truth must be told, 80% of men who are trying to build their body, they do it mainly because they want to look good to women, not because they just want to have a nice body.
Do good storytelling ability matter
As I mentioned, there is a study that says that if know how to speak, you can perceive status and thus helps you to attract women. Sure, but it’s something some blogs overlooked when they write about this study. This study says that good storytelling ability can help only with long-term relationships rather than instant attraction. That is the key to make a good connection with a woman and has to do only with women you already know (eg social circle) or dating. It can’t applied to women you just met, because you don’t have this kind of connection yet.
What is a good storytelling or a great conversation? Are some magical words, that only few men knows and when they are telling them to women, women fall in love? No, in fact is the confidence a man has, so he can talk about anything he wants. If a girl likes you, then she will listen to anything you are saying, even to the most boring stuff. But if she doesn’t like you, then she is not going to listen to you. On the other hand, a nerd could talk for hours about many things, but he lucks the confidence to do this. So, good conversation = confidence.
Does Character Count?
Yes, it counts. You will listen a lot of women saying that they wants a man who is kind, knight and generally very good, however there is a small detail that women not saying. That 1st) they want a good and kind man, but only when they want to make long-term relationship with him or marry him and 2nd) good men are only in their friend list. So, for the character to count, you should build attraction first.
What’s considered good-looking?
What exactly is good looking? A nice face or a muscular body? A good looking person is always type of model the society (and the media) trying to pass as attractive and also, what we find attractive based on our criteria, see above paragraph for muscular men.
For example, some decades ago, attractive was a man like John Wayne, a bit fat but masculine. Then Bruce Lee changed what is attractive (a thin but muscular body) to change once again with Arnold Schwarzenegger. So, for today’s society as good looking we are saying a beautiful face and a muscular body.
In the following video, the famous pranker Fousey set up some dates, while he avoided to show to them that he is bald in first place. Although we can understand why women behave like this it this video, because he shows to them that he lucks confidence with this move, but we never know if women would dating him if they are knew from the beginning that he’s bald. However, for the bald guys out there, bald men are perceived as more attractive.
This ‘looks vs talking/confidence’ topic is split into two parts. One part concerns women who already you know through friends or any other social situation. Those women, even if they are not into you from the begging, they can change their mind over time, because you can show to them your truly self and your character. The other part now, is for the most guys who are looking to meet women through cold approaches and this is the part I will analyze more.
Does Confidence Really Matter?
The truth is that confidence is very important for a man. However, confidence is not the key to have a relationship. For example, I’m sure that you have a friend who maybe is “nerd” or “beta”, with not so good appearance, which definitely had some relationships in the past or even he’s married. That means that the luck of confidence for this man wasn’t an obstacle for a relationship with a woman (as I said in the above paragraph).
So confidence counts a lot and often wins any negative impressions you may have from your looks (as I said in older articles, for me, the look with confidence is something like scales, if you miss one, so you should put the other for balance), but not always. I wrote an article about women who complain because only ugly men approach them (even if they are having confidence, they don’t win the because they are ugly).
And if you thing that is only few women who complain about the ugly guys who are approach them, then you should read this study, saying that when women want one night stand, they are looking for and choosing only the attractive men. Sorry guys, science.
What about brutality?
The last years, pickup community is in “love” with a more brutal/tough type of game, maybe a caveman style, where they believe that they can win many women like our ancestors did. Let’s bust the myth of “strong” or “Neanderthal” type male, that when you show a boldness style, women will recognize it from afar and fall in love with you immediately.
Although it’s something it can have very good results with women (we all know that women want strong men, truly strong men and not fake guys who are trying to look something they are not), it’s something that mainly concerns the animal kingdom, not humans (after all, these studies are based on animals) and is probably the small “detail” that many gurus forgot to mention. Yes, we have the primitive instincts within us, but don’t forget that quite a few hundreds years have passed since the time we took women by force to our cave.
Because, unlike animals and our ancestors, each of us have our passions and options related to the type of woman (or man, for women) we want and there is no “once for all” logic. Every time, different factors are playing role in attraction and is not something standard. Unless you think that because you like eg. only brunettes, all women have the same options, where they are just waiting eagerly for an ugly guy to get into a bar and makes them crying from love and passion.
Snap Back to Reality
But let’s see now how the things really are. We said about brutality and that women are attracted by tough men, which is confirmed and fully accepted. But how many guys of the community, let’s say from 1000 people engaged in self-confidence and the “I’m Brutal, biat$h” topic, have reached a point to impress a woman with their style only? How many of them are really threw the “beta’s” mask from them (because pretty much all the so-called “PUAz” was “betas” and AFCs when started) and most women are attracted by only looking at them?
How many “PUAs” have developed a “brutality” or a “manliness” (I’m not referring to fake situations where insecure people are trying to act like someone they are not), but those men where upon their entrance in any bar, women view them as a REAL man, who can give them a dirty sex women crave for, so women can’t take their eyes away from them?
And finally, how many of them (the PUAs), when other men seen them upon entering a bar, they are feeling this “superiority” and intense competition? Or even, how many women approached these guys? And finally, how many of them really searched this point to improve themselves so successfully, without just reproduce someone’s else ideas? 20? 50? 100?
And how many men now, who are not into this “self-improvement” community, are working on themselves and they developed huge confidence? How many of them, are not being a couch potato and working in every aspect on their game or appearance? I believe that expressions like “beauty not count” are from men who are bored to improve their selves.
Speaking of animals and alpha situations and how others can understand a real man from afar, see the following video and you will understand more. At first, the hyenas are not afraid by other lions, until (at 2:10) entering the real male (see how this lion is entering, “He who Greets with Fire”) and then the hyenas are running when they seeing him. This is the difference I mentioned above, how the real male is make a difference by only looking at him.
Note: Because in 2016 the world has become so “sensitive” to the point of stupidity, regardless of how this nature works, beware, in the end hyena is killed. Watch it at your own risk.
So most men definitely CANNOT impress a woman with their “brutal” style alone, while some of them trying other tricks to win them. And as I mentioned earlier about those “tricks” and how ridiculous they are, when someone doesn’t have it and tries something just because he read it online, let’s see a research that confirms what I’m writing.
Women, will tolerate bad behavior from handsome men more than from ugly men, according to this study. So, when you watch someone who approaches a woman boldly, just wonder if his appearance was the green light that allowed him to do this (or if he just paid her for this video, we saw it many times).
Note that I am referring to men who are trying to act like a “badboy” or “brutal”, without having it. As I have said and before, women do not look badboys just because this style has something magical, but because these guys can promise better sex. So, women can have their relationship and do not want to divorce, but they can keep seeing someone who makes better sex from their boyfriend. And this is something confirmed by studies.
“Nightline” TV Show hired two actors for one speed-dating experiment to confirm if looks matters in dating. And because there are some men who do not know what they see in a video and they impressed unnecessarily (“oh, he speaks to a woman with comfort, he must be the best player I’ve ever seen“), the whole “party” starts at 1:45, where this woman simply avoid them. But when (at 4:00) the actor comes into the play, women are impressed from him immediately (eg, at 4:45), but then they are turned off from his selfish style.
Approaching women and confidence
Yes, but in an approach (eg in the day), the most direct approach is better than the appearance, isn’t it? Are women impressed by this approach, regardless of a man’s appearance or not?
First we should be say that not all women want to be approached by strangers and random guys, okay? Even if a woman is comfortable with strangers talking to her, does not mean that in that period she’s empty from relationship/sex and she’s looking in the streets for a man.
PUAz keep saying that women are always seeking for the ultimate male, whether in a relationship or not, that for sure they are looking for good sex even in a relationship and yet, their boyfriend is for sure a beta male and not good in bed, but this is not always the true, ok? They are even saying that women are always looking for the alpha male in the streets and they will fall in love with someone who approach them with a line like “I saw you from there and I want to say hello“, but this is not true. Women hearing this type of lines 24/7 in the streets and PUAz are just saying this because they want to sell you something.
But the sure thing is that there are many girls looking for a mate. And because it’s a subject that certainly wants a lot of talking, let’s save time, blog space and thoughts with one video. This dude from SimplePickup, wanted to put an end to this conflict, so he wear a uniform that makes him look like a very fat guy, comes into play. Of course with that video, he confirms (unintentionally of course) something I have written in my previous article, that women doesn’t want to be approached when are in streets or parks and sometimes they will give you their number, but only because the want you to leave them alone without trouble.
Their number, especially from daygame approaches, means nothing. I will analyze this for a second, to the guys who are new to this community and my blog. In the eyes of a noob, the following video will seem amazing and this guy has something on him that makes all women want to give him their number, regardless of his appearance. But if you are look more carefully, you will see that women are giving their number just to leave them alone, without any trouble (you will not see any sing of their body language that says they are attracted to him). For example at 2:00, where he tells her to order a pizza, have sex etc, I believe that even if he talked about UFOs, the girl would have the same behavior, just to leave her alone without make him feel bad (because certainly in editing, he cut and some “not so cool” scenes).
So, Do Looks Matters?
Yes, looks matters a lot, either for a cold approach, or for seeking a job especially if you are among other people for that job. Your appearance is the green light a woman will give you, whether we like it or not.
Imagine the same video and their reactions with an ugly man.
If you are not good looking, you have no social status, you have no confidence, then you need to have something else. How this dude from Simple Pickup in the above video said? That women are not impressed by money and status; Let’s take a look…
And if you still thinking that this is something not true, then ask yourself this: Why are so many -unattractive- PUAz caught to having models in their videos? If anyone can win a woman with his style and confidence, then why they can’t just attract a woman and they are paying them?
In the following video, is a scene from reality “Dating in the dark (Season 2 Ep. 7, UK)”. In this show, people choosing the opposite sex in the dark, and in the dark they are seeing the too, so their reactions are hidden from the others. While choosing them for their personality, in many videos you can see reactions like the following, where clearly this woman is not liking her selection. At 4:10 you can see them to speak (in the dark) as a good company and of course his character won her over. But when see sees him, her first impression is over…
A nice appearance make others to take you seriously, while according to studies, good looking sellers are more successful simply because people like to be with them, talking to them and have sex with them (yes, as the article says, there are many who buying from handsome guys in order to have sex with them-and vice versa).
So, if I am not a good looking guy, I must stop Pickup?
No, that is not the purpose of this article and the blog in general. In this blog I’m writing the truth, as I see things happened from my experiences, so I can find (or we can find) solutions for everything. Although as we can now understood that the appearance is important in dating, it does not mean that if you are not a model, you will not have success.
If you do not have a good appearance, you can improve many things on you to raise your shares in dating. The bad thing is if you think that you don’t have good looks and refuse to change, hoping that women who are 10’s will want you for what you are from inside.
Sure, confidence and any other “brutal” method can help you to be more attractive to women. But is something difficult to achieve and takes a lot of time to improve your inner game. So, you can work on your body and see results more quick, while working your confidence (your confidence will be boost, if you are receiving compliments on your looks though). it’s a wonderful win-win.
And you must remember the following. If your goal is simply to meet a woman, either to marry her or to have a good relationship and having fun, this “alpha male” and “brutal” type of game should leave you incurious. Who wants to spend time (it takes a long time to change your beliefs), only to find a girlfriend? Unless you really want to become an alpha male who does not go unnoticed by others.
As I wrote above, even the shy men can find good women, don’t believe the community’s hype on “Alpha Males”. To change your appearance, it’s something that does not require a lot of time, and with a little change in your rigging, a huge difference can be made in only one night. According to research, men who wear clothes from famous designers, especially clothes who have known stamps on them, received as high status. And it is something that I imagine you can experienced for yourself, if you see someone dressed in expensive clothes, you take him as a rich guy. I am not promoting expensive clothes or want you to be a fashion victim, but I want to tell you how much important is your appearance.
How Much More Attractive Can You Become In 6 Months?
This blog covers both inner and outer game. You can now understand that appearance is your green light from women, but appearance can not do much without confidence. Confidence is needed to move things further, but confidence alone can’t do much either (you can do a lot with women if you have confidence, but we are talking about authentic and huge confidence).