As you can see on the site’s title, I have “self-improvement” as a tag. What the self improvement is?
As you can see, if you are into this community, more and more products are being released about self improvement. So, you are telling me not to read those products, you may ask. No, the opposite, products about your improvement, it’s a good idea to read them. However, they are not always the best.
Let’s see how it works. They say that to be yourself, to have confidence, courage, etc. Have you read them, haven’t you? You will also read such advices in forums and blogs. However, if I one is shy, how can be himself? Or if they say to be fun and even they are selling books to help you become (!!) funny. However, how do you do it? How to be yourself? You are yourself years now and you still can’t see results. What can change now?
I will tell you what it is to be yourself and to have confidence in what you are doing.
Imagine yourself alone in a car, listen to your favorite piece of music. What are you going to do? Of course you will sing it, right?
Fine, now imagine that there is a beautiful girl sitting next to you, in the car. Will you sing this song? No? Why? You are afraid that your voice not sound good? Or feel shame? However, this is how to be yourself. When you are along you are feeling comfortable, but when you are in front of others, you are not. This is the ‘be yourself’ in reality, but it takes a lot of work to master and improve it.
Let me give you another example. Say you’re going with a friend to a bar. Before you get there, you are on the road, driving your car. One in front of you, is cutting your way. You wait and you say nothing. You think you want to go outside and you do not want your night to be spoiled. “If John was here, he would have teach him a lesson“. “He afraid nothing,” you think.
You arrive at the bar at some point and wait for your order. A waiter sees you, but he does not come. “Have patience,” you think.
Anyway, finally you order. And when you pay, you notice you got the wrong change. He kept some of your money. You want to tell him, but something stops you.
You notice one girl across and you think she’s cute and you have to go talk to her. However, you have a second thought that she will reject you.
But the truth is that you already reject yourself 3 times in a row. You alone have stopped yourself from doing what you wanted to do. This courage, or self-confidence to say or do what you want, is what you need to improve.
Let’s say you like tattoos and you meet a girl at a party who has a tattoo. Oops, here we are you thing, I have something to break the ice.
So you talk with her about her tattoo and your dream to do one someday. And talk about it and sometime you think “tonight I will score, where will I find a condom that time?” and blah blah and what a nice idea to go together to do a tattoo, etc.
But when the time comes and you want to kiss her, a “hand” stops you. “Better try it another time, it’s too early, she’s going to reject me”, you think. Then, she says “I’m going to freshen my toilet.”
“Nice, she’s going for me, to look better to me,” you think.
But she never comes back. Why? You had great time.
Because she doesn’t care about your dreams or hobbies. She’s out to find a boyfriend, not a girlfriend. Especially if she’s horny, she doesn’t have time to listen to everyone’s problems or plans. You will have time to talk about your dreams, when you are in a relationship with her, NOT before. With what you want to ‘game’ her, with talking about your hobbies? She will going to find another man, who is not afraid to touch and kiss her, instead of just talking. Without asking “Can we sit there?”, “Can I bring you a drink?”. A man with confidence.
Have you ever been in a conversation with a woman, that you were just talking and not leading anywhere? Yes? Bring this conversation in your mind. The whole scene. Can you? Now think how many times you touched her. How many times did you say she was wrong about something. How many times have you objected, have you overtaken a conversation that has opened to you for her ex? Did you caress her hair, or told her that she smells perfect? Did you say she is so beautiful that you do not hold and you want to kiss her? No? Did you just talk? Fine.
Sexual tension? 0!!!
What to do then? She has friends, don’t worry, she does not need another.
That’s why I am constantly talking about improving yourself. A man does not need routines and false stories. You have many things to share with a girl and if you don’t have, then create some by visiting some places or do something you love.
And what I will talk with a girl, you may ask.
Let’s say you ask her what music she likes and she tell you something like “I do not listen to music, usually I’m going out, I go cinema or read,” what do you think? “Oh, she does not want me and that’s why she did not tell me“? And if she doesn’t like music for real? She already gave you some tips to continue talking, like ‘walking’, ‘cinema’, and ‘reading’, you can talk about those for hours.
But how do you improve yourself? See an example.
Let’s say you want to deal with kick boxing. You are looking for a good start and you find some good kick boxers to watch. Fine, let me say you something. You find some books and you read them all or even you find some videos about “How to beat all your opponents”, “Stay comfortable on the ring”, “How to improve your stamina,” “Secret hits” are some of the books you’ve found.
OK, you now think that you now a lot about kick boxing. You are also entering a forum where others talk about it and you learn extra moves and hits.
Do you believe that you will enter on a ring and can beat a pro fighter? Do you think you will be comfortable on the ring immediately? That you have the strength or the experience? Of course not.
So what you can do? To go to a fighter’s club and start working on yourself and over time you will see some improvement. And as time passes, you will see that you are doing some things automatic, without even think about and you will want to learn more and more for every other topic about your hobby.
This is the true self improvement and as Bruce Lee once said, ‘it is not right to focus on a technique alone but in many, so when the mind stuck, to find other techniques to solve the problem’.
That’s the difference of reading something and believing that you know it, by really knowing it. I’m not saying you have to read nothing. You can learn the basics and go out to be “trained”.
However, this blog’s articles will cover you as well. You will see that when you get better and you will not be afraid to say your opinions, you will also get respect. And by women and by other men.
You do not have to be a bum and load your self with earrings, so you can act like you are ‘bad boy’. If a woman you just meet say to you ‘Bring me a cup of coffee’, you can answer her “You have hands, don’t you?” in a playful way. It can make you a “bum”. And as comfortable as you are, you will notice differences on yourself. And remember, our minds are “programmed” by nature to do what is right when you are dating a woman. Just be comfortable and let it do its work.
Self-confidence and comfort do not come alone. They come with time.
It’s also good to remember that our fears killing us slowly. The fear that others will see what we do, or listen to us, the fear of not saying what you want. The fear we have in approaching a woman and that she will reject us, does not protect us. It just makes us reject ourselves.
NEVER care what others will say if they see you do something, or if you say something and is stupid. NEVER do anything you do not want, just to please others. NEVER be influenced by others what you will do.