The fear of approaching a woman (Approach Anxiety), is something that almost all people have. I believe that this fear comes from deep inside our brain, because we live in a society where we are all strangers and we don’t talk easily with someone we don’t know.
I write a lot about the fear of approaching women, because it’s something that you can’t overcome easily and is this fear who keep us back and don’t approach a woman we like.
We see advertisements on TV with attractive men wearing expensive clothes or jewelry, promoting expensive accessories and cars, sending the message that if you don’t have any of these or if you are poor, then you can’t have beautiful women in your life.
Also in movies, Hollywood’s brainwash tool promoting their messages, you can watch a man approach a woman and she reacts very negatively.
Of course, this is all imagination and not the reality. It’s a way society tries to obliterate men’s mind by quashing their personal desires and values. Watch any kid how behaves and understand that this fear of women is not natural.
Kids are not scared of girls, men are…
Hopefully, this fear does not exist. Imagine when first driving your car. You was fearing, maybe your hand was tightened on the wheel, you didn’t look anywhere else than the road, etc. After several attempts however, you learned to drive with one hand, talking on mobile, whistling a girl on street, singing etc. So, you learned how to overcome your fear of driving and now you drive almost automatically.
I believe that the fear of approaching a woman is the same thing. You have to push yourself to begin talking with women. There are a lot of people who can’t overcome this fear, so we have to do with a problem with large extent, a problem that prevents people from being able to do anything they want. This is the reason why so many men are trying to get to know women though their social circle or even online, as they are feeling safe.
But what is fear? To defeat your enemy, you need to know more about him. According to the Cambridge International Dictionary of English, fear is “an unpleasant emotion or thought that you have when you are frightened or worried by something dangerous, painful, or bad that is happening or might happen“.
But let’s see more deeply about fear. There is a mechanism in the brain called “Reticular Activating System” (RAS) and one of its actions is to control and filter information all the time. What someone feel, smell, see, hear, etc., all these feelings are transmitted to the RAS and being stored there. Or better they are filtered first and then being stored. See an example of how this works.
Let’s say that a friend of yours just bought a white car brand “X”. When you go to see your friend’s car, immediately the RAS will filter the selected car and its brand. So, when you meet on the street the same car, immediately you will look at it. How suddenly are there so many cars like this on the streets? Don’t worry, there were there and before, but before there was not something that make you feel something, in order your RAS to filter and keep this image.
The RAS is sending data to a part of brain called “Amygdala”. The Amygdala has to do with the feelings and how we feel about something. Amygdala was there from the prehistoric years and is what makes us feeling fear. Amygdala undertakes to notify all other organs associated with, such as the heart, the breath, sweat glands etc. Have you ever been felt a heartbeat that’s too fast or a change of your breathing rhythm, when you think about something? This is due to Amygdala and it’s a mechanism that helps you stay safe from something dangerous.
Imagine that RAS is working like your PC. It creates folders and therein stores new data. For example if you throw a stone at a dog and this dog bites you, it would “create” a new folder with the word “dog” in it and inside there, it will save the fear and the pain you felt. So every time you see a dog, it will look in this folder and will “restore” what you felt.
But here is our problem. We have learnt from society that is dangerous to approach a random woman and talk to her. Thus, we have created this problem and we feel badly every time we want to approach a girl. And because the subconscious is more powerful than the conscious, at the end it takes over control of you and it stops you from approaching a woman you like.
In America, there are pills for many types of phobia. Their job is to block the “path” to the Amygdala so you do not feel any symptoms like palpitations, sweating etc. But this is not a solution. The best approach is to know your fear, so you can fight it and eventually overcome it.